Time Flies!

I cannot believe it has been over a month since I first opened this blog and posted!  I've had some "aha" moments since that last post and have started to pull myself together and quit whinnning.  In my own defense, I have to say that I am not the complaining type! 

Some "aha" moments...
~~~I do like our new home!  I thought I didn't, but I realized that I just miss my home in Illinois.  I loved that house with all its space and color and shiny hardwood floors.  I knew that a home out here in Southern California (in our price range) would be much smaller, but I welcomed the idea of downsizing and having less STUFF and less to clean.  When I came face to face with that lovely reality, I balked!  It didn't help that the home we chose to rent was filthy!!  We wanted this home because it had the most square footage, lots of windows which meant plenty of light, and location, location, location!  We can walk to the town center (grocery store, several restaurants, bookstore, gym, etc.)  And, we were told that it would be PROFESSIONALLY CLEANED, before we moved in.  That aside, this is a great little home.  We are still packed in, but that will only bring us closer as a family right?!!

~~~Transition takes time!  Duh, right?  I had this grand idea that we would instantly assimilate to this area and it would feel like home almost immediately.  After just 6 weeks, it doesn't feel like home yet to me, but it has potential.  I have to share...my husband had been away on travel for a week and when he arrived back home he walked in and said, "It's so good to be back in my own home."  I don't know why, but that just made me smile.  I guess just knowing that it feels like home to him and it's a place he is anxious and happy to get back to, makes everything better.

Where to Begin

I decided to start this blog as a way to organize the jumbled  thoughts in my head.  I have a great husband, 2 beautiful, smart, funny kids.  As much as I love my family, I seem to have lost "me" somewhere.  I'm a stay-at-home mom and I'm so thankful that I can be here for my kids and husband.  Yet, I've been struggling with my purpose recently.  Am I to immerse myself in cooking, cleaning, and caring for my clan and be content with that?  Is it too much to want something else?  The irony is that I always struggle with balancing family and other activities/obligations when there is something else and then feel that everything is done with just a minimal effort and could have been so much better.  Which is the lesser of two evils? 

Underlying all the questioning of "my place" on this earth, is an anger that  I feel building with each passing day.  I'm beginning to realize that I have suppressed things over the years.  Is it crazy that I was not aware of this until now (I'm almost 40!).  Hey!  Maybe I'm having a mid-life crisis!  Maybe I don't need to blog about my life....I just need to live the high life and go buy myself a sports car, or does that only work for men?!!  Being of the male persuasion has never sounded so good, don't you agree?  I'd much rather speed off in a shiny, new Mustang Saleen than deal with all this emotional baggage! 

Well, being that I am woman (hear me roar!), I'll be signing back on for another post soon.  Unless, of course, I decide to give the car thing a try...then I'll be roaring down the interstate in my Saleen!